Loving What is

Listen to your life.  See it for the fathomless mystery that it is.  In the boredom and pain of it, no less than in the excitement and gladness; touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis, all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace .
~F. Buechner

It’s only been the last few years that it really started to matter to me – being real, taking off the rose colored glasses and seeing things as they truly are.  It began simply enough by looking inward.  Really looking, paying attention to my thoughts and my words and actions.  I wanted to examine my beliefs too and see if I was really living my convictions.  I’m no spring chicken, I’ve had years to get to know ‘me’, so it came as a bit of a surprise to see what I’d been hiding, and just how much I’d changed.  For instance, kindness has become my life’s purpose.  And when at last I am called to answer for my days, I’d like to be able to offer that up, knowing that it was no small thing, and that it would be enough.  I’d also like to cultivate, as Ogden Nash says, “A heart as warm as a desert storm.”  But not all my revelations have been as benevolent – I also realized that I have this maddening habit of wanting to fix everything and everyone.  Not because I have all the answers, but simply because, if the people I care about are alright, then I can be OK too; crazy stuff hiding down there in the recesses of my psyche.  Now I try and listen more, and fix less.  And seeing myself with such frankness, my flaws and failings marshaled right alongside all that is beautiful and pure in me, has deepened my compassion for others and reaffirmed my need to practice kindness; a wonderful consequence of filtering everything through my heart.

These days I don’t really care what forms the truth takes, as long as it is the truth.  I want to look deeply into the way things are and live what’s authentic.  Anything less is a waste, a lie. I’m not interested in judging what’s good or bad – that’s not what this is about.  It’s more simple than that.  It’s about loving what is.


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