To Follow My Bliss

The unannounced blur of something passing out of a life.
~Naomi Shihab Nye

Where can the crying heart graze?
~Naomi Shihab Nye

I’ve stopped dreaming about the future, about what comes next.  Concepts or catch phrases like ‘follow your bliss’ either give me a mild case of anxiety or threaten to depress me, if I dwell on them too long.  I live in the now, and though I know that’s a Zen mentality many strive for, I do it out of necessity.  It’s all I can manage.  I can’t bear to look back on what my life once was any more than I can bear looking ahead to all the days yet to come.

None of this is to say that I don’t have joy and light in my life. I do.  Sometimes the joy feels so big I have to look around inside myself for a place to put it all.  That’s the upside to living in the now.  Everything feels brighter and more dramatic, more real somehow.  Still, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t sometimes miss wondering what’s down the road.  What my life might look like if I were free to imagine, to dream, to become and yes…to follow my bliss?

*The lines from Naomi Shihab Nye are from two of her poems: Blood  and Breaking My Favorite Bowl.

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